What follows is an e-mail I sent out shortly after the Los Angeles premiere of "A Silent Musical" on June 19th, 2003. Click here to see my amazing public speaking abilities during the question and answer portion of the premiere.

"The Egyptian"
First let me say thank you to those who came to the screening tonight.

Second let me apologize to those who I told would get in free...and then didn't...

You see, I remember it like it was five hours ago...

*strokes chin in recollection*

My plan was to show up at the Egyptian about a half hour early and pass out the remaining comp tickets as people showed up. Little did I know I was about to be involved in a Karmic train wreck meticulously planned out by Mr. Murphy...well I guess in the grand scheme of things it wasn't really a train wreck, more a fender bender...and I guess in the course of the time, space and the universe it was probably pretty insignificant (but we won't know that for sure for some time).

Anyway, I leave my house in Manhattan Beach at 06:00:00 PM PST, an hour and a half before the start of the screening and an hour before I wanted to be there. More than enough time to make the 24.8 mile drive (approximate travel time: 33 minutes). I arrive on Hollywood Blvd at 07:15:00 PM thanks to every other car in the city of Los Angeles parked in front of me on every road between my house and the Egyptian. But wait, Hollywood Blvd is closed, courtesy of the "Charlie's Angels 2: Full Throttal" premiere. Didn't they know "A Silent Musical" was having it's premiere? So I take the detour and rejoin Hollywood Blvd EAST of the Egyptian...only I don't realize I've past it during the detour and continue driving East away from the theater.

I think I arrive where I think the Egyptian should be and park in a resonably priced ($8) lot across from the Pantages Theater...0.6 miles East of the Egyptian. 07:30:00 PM I hop out of my car and walk EAST to where I think the Egyptian should be. As I walk along at a brisk pace the hamster wheel inside my head slowly begins to turn, "the Egyptian is behind you" it squeaks, "you're walking the wrong way." My eyes confirm the squeaky wheel's theory as I note the lack of tall fancy deco buildings around me...and the presense of the 101 freeway which I was pretty sure didn't connect with Hollywood Blvd anywheres near the Egyptian. The hamster wheel finally tells my feet to stop walking the wrong way at the corner of Hollywood and Bronson, 1.1 miles East of the Egyptian. Wanting to confirm my idiocity I ask someone where the Egyptian is. "Bout five lights that way," the man says as he points behind me. "Ok then," I say. "By chance do you have a gun so that I may shoot myself?" I ask, but he doesn't so I turn around and walk 1.1 miles back to the Egyptian (it was more like seven or eight lights, not five, but I forgive the guy, he meant well).

07:55:00 PM I arrive at the front doors of the Egyptian, having already come to terms with the fact that I missed my own screening. The curator Andrew meets me at the door to tell me there was a technical delay and the show had just started. I was to find out later that there was no technical delay, they held the show for me, even announced it as such.

*slams head against wall*

And so I stumble into the theater just as "The Assistant" appears on screen, approximately one minute and thirty-six seconds into the piece. I sit, I sweat, I catch my breath, I listen to the scattered amused chuckles and the musical ends. I watch the other five shorts and then join the other directors at the front of the theater where I regaled the audience with the exciting, suspenseful, dramatic, heartwarming tale of how my musical came to be...or maybe I simply stuttered and stammered my way through five or six broad, general, fluff questions (what inspired you? how was it produced? what camera did you shoot it on? what are you doing now? what's next for your piece?). Following the question and answer people came up to the front to talk with the directors, to which I shyly made a B line for the door and escaped.

The End.

Epilogue:

I'm going to go have ice cream now, thanks again to those who came, I apologize again to those I jyped (gyped? jipped? gipped?) out of ten dollars by telling you the tickets would be free only to not be there on time to pass them out, thus letting them rot in the hands of the Eyptian box office employee, I'm sorry. I hope everyone enjoyed the show.

Take care all - Matt

Labels: madcapped, wordy