She Always Looked Good in Hats was scripted in the thumbnail and sketching stages that I drew from my original outline. Then I transcribed everything I'd scribbled in the word balloons and margins and did a few rewrites to polish the dialogue. After an initial proofreading by my wife I started the final pages. Due to space restraints and whimsy I continued tinkering with the dialogue as I drew (and sometimes afterwards in Photoshop).
INT. FANCY GROCERY STORE - DAY
ALICE JOHNS grabs free samples from the various kiosks.
She rides down the escalator towards the exit, there's an
easel with a sign reading "Summer Hats Coming Soon."
A piece of paper is tacked to the bottom, it says "Now Hiring
Summer Sales Rep" with phone number tags dangling from the
bottom.
NARRATOR
Her granny always told her she
looked good in hats.
Alice stops and rips off one of the phone numbers.
INT. GRANNY CAROLE'S LIVING ROOM - FLASHBACK
EIGHT YEAR OLD ALICE wears a softball uniform and sits in
front of her GRANNY CAROLE.
GRANNY CAROLE
You look so good in hats-
Granny Carole snatches the cap from Alice's head.
GRANNY CAROLE
-if you'd just stop wearing these
little lesbian league caps.
JOANNA
MOM!
Alice's mother JOANNA JOHNS stands in the doorway, very
pregnant, gives her mother a stern look, Alice grabs her hat
back.
GRANNY CAROLE
What?
INT. GRANNY CAROLE'S BEDROOM
Granny sits on the bed while Alice is perched atop a ladder,
pulling a hat box down from the bedroom closet.
GRANNY CAROLE
Your mother can't wear hats cause
she was a forceps baby.
Alice places the hat box on the bed and opens it.
GRANNY CAROLE
We got this one in San Francisco-
Alice models the hat in front of the mirror.
ALICE
Can I wear it to my game tomorrow?
GRANNY CAROLE
No.
INT. GRANNY CAROLE'S DINING ROOM
Granny Carole, Alice and Joanna sit down to lunch.
JOANNA
I CAN wear hats, I just don't like
to, it has nothing to do with being
a forceps baby, Jesus mom. My head
is not misshapen, I just have a lot
of curly hair.
Alice smiles.
INT. ALICE'S APARTMENT - DAY
Alice walks in the apartment and immediately kicks off her
shoes, drops her bag, tosses her keys, takes off her bra,
unbuttons her shorts and FLOPS on the couch.
She types on her phone
ALICE
(TEXT MESSAGE)
What are your thoughts on hats?
She opens her laptop and takes a sip of water while she waits
for a responce.
AUBREY
(TEXT MESSAGE)
Wish I had short hair again so I
could wear them.
ALICE
(TEXT MESSAGE)
I'm thinking of taking a part time
job at a hat shop.
AUBREY
(TEXT MESSAGE)
Goodbye Geology?
ALICE
(TEXT MESSAGE)
No way! I'm still applying for
jobs, but I need to do something.
AUBREY
(TEXT MESSAGE)
Just make sure it doesn't fuck up
your unemployment checks. Can't
live in LA on part time money.
Alice stares at her phone, discouraged.
EXT. SOFTBALL FIELD - FLASHBACK
TEENAGE ALICE wears catchers gear, flips up her mask to yell.
NARRATOR
She played softball until she grew
out of it.
The TWO SOFTBALL TEAMS pass each other offering obligatory
"Good-Game" low fives.
NARRATOR
Around the same time she didn't
make the high school team.
Alice doesn't find her name on the roster.
ALICE
This is bullshit.
INT. ALICE'S DORM ROOM - FLASHBACK
COED ALICE takes down a wall of baseball caps from her dorm
room wall, throws them in a "FREE PLEASE TAKE" box.
NARRATOR
Her athlete's aesthetic drifted
away in college
Alice walks down the street wearing a vintage White Sox cap.
NARRATOR
She kept one cap but-
SPORTS FAN
GO WHITE SOX
A SPORTS FAN cheers at her.
NARRATOR
-but sports people wouldn't stop
talking to her about sports.
Alice sits at a bar while a guy fails to flirt with her.
SPORTS FAN
You're not a White Sox fan?
ALICE
I only got this hat cause the pin
stripes remind me of Peanuts.
INT. COWGIRL BBQ RESTAURANT - FLASHBACK
A TABLE OF BROS watch GRAD SCHOOL ALICE walk by with a tray
of drinks, she wears a cowgirl outfit.
BRO
Yo, Cowgirl!
ALICE
I'm not a cowgirl, it's just a
uniform.
The bro motions to her hips.
BRO
Those saddlebags part of the
uniform too or are they yours?
His friends laugh, Alice fumes.
INT. KITCHEN - EVENING
Alice lights a match.
ALICE
98,000 left. With the city I was
paying it off at ten thousand a
year.
She turns on the gas on the stovetop.
ALICE
Debt free in ten years. Next year I
would have gotten a raise, 6 years.
She lights the hob, FWOOOSH
ALICE
On unemployment I can pay one
thousand a year.
A dash of salt into the water.
ALICE
Debt free in 98 years.
A handful of spaghetti into the pot.
ALICE
$8 an hour at the hat shop I could
pay $50 a month.
Stirs the sauce.
ALICE
Debt free in 196 years.
Alice sits on the couch with her dinner, watches a movie on
her laptop.
ALICE
Grandma Lester lived to be 88.
MOVIE ACTOR
(ON LAPTOP)
Don't forget your hat.
ALICE
Granny Carole is still kicking at
85...
She notices the actor's hats.
EXT. BUS STOP - DAY
Alice wears a nice outfit, waits for the bus.
She notices an ad on the side of the bus stop. A summer
weight loss ad featuring a model in a swimsuit, "Work those
thighs down to swimsuit size!" The model wears a large summer
hat that gets Alice's attention.
INT. BUS
Alice stares out the window as the bus passes a closed
construction site. Signs on the fence surrounding the site
read "Vote YES on Prop 11," "Your Tax Dollars At Work" and
"Subway to the sea!"
Alice sighs.
EXT. HAT SHOP
Alice steps off the bus.
ALICE
Awful location...
INT. HAT SHOP
DING she walks in the door. The store is empty.
ALICE
Hello?
She browses the hats.
NARRATOR
This was only the third hat shop
she'd ever been in in her life.
INT. DANCE HALL - FLASHBACK
COED ALICE dances with a swing-costumed partner.
NARRATOR
The first was in college while
looking for a hat to wear in swing
class.
INT. MALL HAT SHOP - FLASHBACK
Alice enters a leather belts and hats shop, finds nothing but
walls of cowboy hats.
NARRATOR
which turned out to be a challenge
in the South West.
ALICE
This fucking town.
EXT. CITY STREET - FLASHBACK
Alice and her boyfriend stop at a posh hat shop window.
NARRATOR
The 2nd was with her ex-boyfriend
when she was going through an
orange phase.
ALICE
It's orange!
INT. POSH HAT SHOP - FLASHBACK
EX BOYFRIEND
Whoa, that looks really good on
you, you should wear more hats.
ALICE
How much is it?
SHOP OWNER
$600
ALICE
HA
Alice covers her mouth and throws the hat back at the shop
owner.
ALICE
Holy shit we gotta go.
INT. HAT SHOP - DAY
Alice browses the stock, the owner, OLLIE, enters from the
back.
OLLIE
You here about the job?
Alice puts the hat she was looking at back on the shelf.
ALICE
Ollie? I'm Alice, we talked on the
phone.
OLLIE
Strike one for not wearing a hat!
Alice puts her hands to her bare head.
OLLIE
What are you, 'bout a seven and a
quarter?
ALICE
I have no clue.
OLLIE
You look like a seven and a
quarter.
He places a hat on her head, gives a thumbs up.
OLLIE
Perfect fit, that's more like it.
ALICE
(INTERNAL MONOLOGUE)
Oh god, is this his fetish?
INT. ALICE'S IMAGINATION
Alice and the owner share a passionate embrace.
ALICE
(INTERNAL MONOLOGUE)
A perfect fit…
The owner puts a hat on her that's too big.
ALICE
(INTERNAL MONOLOGUE)
or maybe he'd rather
He places a tiny hat on her head.
ALICE
(INTERNAL MONOLOGUE)
they don't fit.
INT. HAT SHOP
Alice sits down in front of Ollie's desk in the back.
OLLIE
You look good in a hat, have you
ever modeled?
ALICE
Hat modeled? Is that a job?
OLLIE
You fit the sample sizes.
ALICE
I've never been a sample size
anything! A hat ad would probably
crop out my double chin, not the
bags under my eyes though…
She tries to read Ollie's expression.
ALICE
-please just be a nice old man and
not another creepy boss.
He looks over her application.
OLLIE
You were working on the purple line
extension, that was Prop 11 was it?
ALICE
Prop 11, yeah.
OLLIE
That passed, did it?
ALICE
No, it didn't.
OLLIE
Haha, I guess not or you'd still be
there, huh? Sorry to tell you, I
think I voted against that one.
ALICE
Most people did.
OLLIE
It's a shame, this city needs more
public transportation. Well, you're
a lot older than our usual summer
hires. We tend to get a lot of
teenagers.
Alice's confident demeanor drains away.
OLLIE
Wow, our first PHD as well.
She holds back her evil eye.
OLLIE
But I like that, means you'll be
more responsible, I won't have to
do inventory every damn day.
EXT. HAT SHOP - DAY
Ollie lets Alice out.
OLLIE
Come by next Monday and we'll load
up the truck.
Alice takes the hat off.
ALICE
Oh yeah, your hat!
He refuses.
OLLIE
Keep it, break it in, you'll need
it for work.
ALICE
Thanks.
Alice holds the hat and looks at the hat shop.
She takes out her phone.
ALICE
(TEXT MESSAGE)
I got the job.
She realizes.
ALICE
I have a job.
Her phone buzzes, she reads the screen as she walks back to
the bus stop.
AUBREY
(TEXT MESSAGE)
Congrats, menial wage worker. Let's
celebrate. Movie?
EXT. SILENT MOVIE THEATER - DUSK
Aubrey waits near the front of the line, notices Alice
walking by, her head buried in her phone.
ALICE
(TEXT MESSAGE)
Estoy aquí.
AUBREY
Alice!
Alice keeps walking further down the line.
AUBREY
ALICE!!
Alice follows the line towards the end of the block.
AUBREY
JODHPURS!
Alice snaps around. Catches back up with Aubrey at the front
of the line.
AUBREY
Where's your hat?
ALICE
At home with my heels, don't ask me
why I wore heels to a summer job
interview.
AUBREY
You stopped at home and you didn't
change into your pajamas!
Employement's changed you, maan.
She fishes a pair of tickets from her purse, hands one to
Alice.
ALICE
Aw, you didn't have to buy my
ticket.
AUBREY
I bought one for Milton but he's
working. His loss is your gain.
ALICE
I'll pay you back.
AUBREY
No you won't, you broke joke.
Alice gets a text message on her phone.
AUBREY
Who's that?
ALICE
Jette called, so I invited her too.
AUBREY
That girl better keep her distance.
ALICE
What? Why? Jette's nice!
AUBREY
She's past nice. She's always
snugglin' up with me like I'm a pug
at the dog park.
JETTE
Alice! Ginny!
ALICE
She can get a little handsy.
Aubrey gives a side eye to Jette as she walks up to meet
them.
AUBREY
-is she wearing a sack?
JETTE
Where's your hat?
She gives Alice a big hug, her hand down around Alice's bum.
ALICE
I hate hats.
AUBREY
Are you wearing a sack?
JETTE
It's a dress! I got it from Lady
Eggplant.
ALICE
(under her breath)
You're an eggplant.
Jette traps Aubrey in a giant squeeze hug.
JETTE
You're the best huggler.
AUBREY
I'm not hugging you.
Jette shows off her new dress.
JETTE
It's a cool shop, everything's
handmade, they cater to all sizes.
AUBREY
(under her breath)
I doubt that.
JETTE
The line goes around the corner,
what time did you guys get here?
ALICE
I just got here, Ginny's the early
bird.
AUBREY
I have to be, it's the only way to
get a couch.
JETTE
They have couches here? Cool!
AUBREY
The seats are 80 years old, made
out of iron and wood and they're
fucking tiny.
ALICE
I can fit but they bruise the hell
out of my thighs.
AUBREY
So they installed a few rows of
leather sofas for the fatties but
we gotta get here early. I left
work at five.
Aubrey and another large man give each other a head-nod.
JETTE
You had to leave work early just to
get a seat?
AUBREY
A seat that fits, yeah.
JETTE
That's stupid! They should reserve
the sofas for the people who need
them!
AUBREY
Write your congressperson.
Jette turns to Alice.
JETTE
So tell me about your hat job!
ALICE
There's not much to tell. It's a
summer job, I sell hats, they only
gave it to me cause I look good in
hats.
AUBREY
Careful with that joke.
JETTE
Yeah, you already texted me that
earlier.
AUBREY
Say the same self-deprecating joke
too many times and it becomes sad
instead of funny.
ALICE
Aren't I allowed to feel weird that
I got a job based on how I look in
a hat?
AUBREY
You got the job cause you're a step
above a high school stoner.
JETTE
Why is that weird? What if you got
a job based on your height? or your
strength? or your butt?
ALICE
For what job would my ass be a
requirement?
AUBREY
(under her breath)
Porn.
JETTE
Furniture durability! Like those
displays at IKEA.
ALICE
Machines do that.
JETTE
They'd didn't always have machines.
ALICE
They gave me a hat, so that was
nice, they also gave me an old hat
guide for all the different names
and brands.
AUBREY
Hat homework!
JETTE
The line's moving.
They enter the front door, below a sign reading Buster Keaton
in College.
AUBREY
I hope this isn't another racist
one, I don't need people looking to
me for approval to laugh.
JETTE
Oh no, that doesn't really happen
does it?
INT. SILENT MOVIE THEATER - EVENING
Still photos of silent movie stars, Alice notices their hats.
Buster Keaton: Porkpie (editor's note, actually a custom
modified fedora.)
Harold Lloyd: Straw hat
Roscoe Arbuckle: bowler
Charlie Chaplin: bowler
Rudolph Valentino: matador hat?
Lilian Gish: ?
The three walk past the head shots towards the couches at the
front of the theater.
JETTE
I call middle!
She cuts Alice off and squeezes between her and Aubrey.
Aubrey fumes.
INT. ALICE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Alice pulls a box out of her closet and dumps it onto the
bed, old hats.
She gets her hat guide from her bag and looks at her
collection: a cowboy hat, a dog hat with floppy ears, her
retro baseball cap, a sherlock winter cap and a knit frog hat
with flipper legs.
Alice sits on the bed.
ALICE
These aren't in the guide.
She flops on the bed, pulls the frog hat over her head, reads
her hat guide.
INT. HAT SHOP - DAY
Alice and Ollie box up hats.
ALICE
I don't see a lot of old hats.
OLLIE
We don't do vintage really. You end
up with a lot of stock gathering
dust, waiting for some trend to
come or go.
ALICE
What about new hats in old styles?
Like a new bowler?
He holds the door for her as she wheels out a stack of boxes.
OLLIE
Well that kind of veers into
costume hats.
Alice loads the boxes into a truck.
OLLIE
Which is great for Halloween but
not a year round business.
Generally, people aren't looking
for old hats.
Alice closes up the truck.
OLLIE
We've got a handful of reliable
standards that do well and we stick
to that.
They get in the truck.
OLLIE
My son does repairs in the back and
we do cleanings, that makes up a
lot of our business actually.
Driving.
OLLIE
My generation was the last one that
really wore enough hats to support
a hat shop. Stores like ours are a
dying breed.
ALICE
That's sad.
OLLIE
That's business.
They load their pop up stand into the entrance of the mall.
ALICE
But you still do this summer pop up
shop?
OLLIE
Summer is a whimsical enough time
for people to forget that they
don't actually wear hats anymore.
INT. MALL HAT POP UP SHOP - DAY
Ollie and Alice stand in their corner kiosk.
OLLIE
If we set this up right everything
should collapse into here at the
end of the day.
He hands Alice the key.
OLLIE
Pack it up, lock it up, do it all
over again tomorrow.
ALICE
Any sales tips?
OLLIE
Don't bother people, bring a book,
let the sunshine do the work for
you.
He waves goodbye on his way out the door.
ALICE
Will do.
She stands for a bit in her kiosk. When no one comes by she
takes a seat on the stool and twiddles on her phone.
Locks up the cabinet at the end of the day.
INT. MALL HAT POP UP SHOP - DAY
Alice sits on her stool, reads a book.
COSTUMER
Do you have a mirror?
Alice jumps up from her seat. A costumer is trying on a sun
hat.
ALICE
What? Oh yeah!
Alice opens a cabinet door to reveal a mirror.
ALICE
You can also wear it up, like Annie
Hall.
Alice flips the brim of the hat up.
COSTUMER
I don't think I will.
She pulls out her wallet.
COSTUMER
Do you take cards?
Alice's face lights up
ALICE
(INTERNAL MONOLOGUE)
A SALE!
She swipes the costumer's card on a wireless credit card
machine.
The costumer leaves wearing her hat.
Alice perches on her stool, giddy.
INT. MALL HAT POP UP SHOP - DAY
A woman walks by.
ALICE
Six and a half.
A man walks by with his son perched on his shoulders.
ALICE
Seven and a quarter, five and three
eighths.
Alice's sister Leslie presents herself in front of Alice.
LESLIE
You're getting pretty good at this.
What's my size?
ALICE
(INTERNAL MONOLOGUE)
Question mark.
ALICE
If you shaved your head we'd
probably be the same size.
LESLIE
Ugh, mom's curly hair is a bitch.
You know, if we BOTH shave our
heads we could swap places, then I
could chill here and catch up on my
reading and you could bring me
lunch.
ALICE
I thought you liked your job,
you're too young to be this cynical
about work.
LESLIE
You're never too young to be
cynical about work.
ALICE
Well I think your workmates would
notice.
LESLIE
I'm just a bit envious of the plush
gig you've got here. Right at the
entrance, you've got fresh air and
just the right amount of AC. I need
to wear a coat all summer in my
office, the girl next to me has a
space heater for fuck's sake. Fresh
air and they don't even make you
stand all day.
ALICE
This stool's not so comfortable, I
need a double-wide like my bicycle
seat.
LESLIE
Can you give me a hat? There must
be some humorously oversized
novelty thing I can stuff my fluff
into.
ALICE
I can buy you a hat, but it would
cost me three day's pay. You make
twice as much as me.
LESLIE
They give you fourteen bucks an
hour to sit there?
ALICE
Sorry… you make four times as much
as me.
An older man walks up between Alice and Leslie.
OLDER MAN
Excuse me, might you ladies know
where I could get my hat repaired?
ALICE
Yeah, we can do that.
LESLIE
You can?
ALICE
Well I can't, but I can bring it to
the shop for you.
OLDER MAN
Thank you, see the silk lining is
coming apart.
ALICE
Yep, sure is.
She hands the man a piece of paper and a pen.
ALICE
I'm going into the shop tomorrow,
I'll drop it off then. Just give me
your name and number and I'll call
you when it's ready.
OLDER MAN
How much will it be?
ALICE
I don't know, I'll have the owner's
son call you with an estimate
before he starts.
OLDER MAN
Thank you, my wife said you
wouldn't know what to do with an
old hat.
ALICE
Glad we could prove her wrong.
OLDER MAN
See you next week.
Leslie stands dumbfounded.
LESLIE
That was amazing!
ALICE
Oh come on.
LESLIE
I'm dead serious, if you showed
that much initiative and
independence in my office they'd
fire you.
ALICE
That's sad.
LESLIE
It really fucking is.
INT. ALICE'S APARTMENT - MORNING
Alice does her hair. She tries to put on a works suit but it
doesn't fit. She gasps for air.
ALICE
Fuck it, it's a Skype interview,
you don't have to button.
She takes of her elastic hair band and stretches it between
the skirt hooks to bridge the gap.
She sits at her table with her computer open and a glass of
water, her work hat beside her. She takes a deep breath
before accepting the call.
INTERVIEWER
Hi, Alice? Can you hear me all
right?
ALICE
Crystal clear.
INTERVIEWER
Great, I'm Katherine with Radco,
I'll be conducting your interview
today.
ALICE
You're not with the university?
INTERVIEWER
The university uses us for the
early application process, then we
pass our selections up the ladder.
ALICE
Oh.
INTERVIEWER
So tell me about yourself, Alice,
paint me a picture of your career
thus far.
ALICE
Paint you a picture?
EXT. FLEA MARKET - DAY
Alice wears her White Sox hat, holds up a collage painting of
hats to show Aubrey.
ALICE
Cool, check this out.
AUBREY
I didn't know you liked Juan Miro.
ALICE
Who's Juan Miro?
Alice gets the attention of the salesperson.
ALICE
Excuse me, how much is this?
AUBREY
Where would you hang it?
ALICE
In my hat shop.
SALESPERSON
Twenty-five, but for a Southsider,
it's thirty ha-ha.
ALICE
What?
AUBREY
Your hat.
The salesperson doffs his Chicago Cubs hat to her.
Alice puts the painting back.
ALICE
Oh… ok, well I can't afford either
price, so thanks.
AUBREY
What's this about YOUR hat shop?
ALICE
There's no hat shop, I'm just
daydreaming. There's an empty
storefront off of Maltman that I
think would be nice.
AUBREY
You're serious about this hat thing
huh?
ALICE
I'm just enjoying myself.
AUBREY
How was the Vancouver interview?
ALICE
It was a headhunting agency, which
means the job was probably already
filled but the university was
obligated to list the job publicly
so they hired this company to do a
bunch of mock interviews. I spent
two weeks on that proposal.
They exit the flea market towards the parking lot.
ALICE
We've lost Milton.
AUBREY
I'll text him.
ALICE
Tell him it's milkshake time.
EXT. FLEA MARKET
Milton stands at a booth filled with racist paraphernalia,
lots of cartoonish depictions of blackface. He holds a racist
doll in his hands.
MILTON
I love this kinda stuff but my wife
would kill me if I brought it home.
His phone buzzes.
EXT. FLEA MARKET PARKING LOT
Aubrey is texting.
AUBREY
We're trying to get pregnant.
ALICE
Whoa what? Really? Holy shit!
That's crazy.
AUBREY
Calm down Jodhpurs, we're 33.
ALICE
I think my high school summer job
is making me regress, I forget
we're adults.
AUBREY
I just hope the next time someone
tries to give me their seat on the
bus I can graciously accept.
INT. HAT SHOP - DAY
Alice leans at the counter with a box of hats while Ollie's
son Lawrence repairs a hat behind the counter.
ALICE
How come you guys don't have a
website?
LAWRENCE
I made one for us in the 90's
actually, but it wasn't worth the
trouble to maintain so it's just a
contact page now.
ALICE
I know some web designers if you
wanted a new site.
LAWRENCE
I'm a web designer, it's just not
really worth it, like the catalogue
my dad printed in the 80's. You
need to spend a lot to promote it.
Local business is more reliable.
Alice glances to the empty shop.
ALICE
Reliably empty.
LAWRENCE
The neighborhood's changed, this
used to be a main street.
ALICE
You should move to my neighborhood,
people would eat this shit up.
LAWRENCE
You live in Malasaña?
ALICE
Yeah.
LAWRENCE
We've been here forty years, our
rent is dirt cheap. A month in
Malasaña would be a year's worth of
rent here.
He boxes up the restored hat.
ALICE
Dang.
LAWRENCE
Yep.
He place the hat box with her other box of hats to take with
her.
LAWRENCE
Our last successful venture was
supplying hats to period TV and
movies.
ALICE
What happened?
LAWRENCE
The film industry dried up here,
ten years ago they'd come shoot in
our town and rent 500 hats for
their 500 extras. Now they just
come take pictures of buildings and
build the town on a computer. Pixel
people require no hats.
ALICE
Hope it's not annoying me asking
about all this stuff.
LAWRENCE
You're the first employee we've had
that's cared enough to ask.
INT. MALL HAT POP UP SHOP - DAY
Alice reads a book, notices an old workmate on the escalator.
ALICE
Oh shit.
She buries her head in her book.
OLD WORKMATE
Alice?
She looks up.
OLD WORKMATE
Hey! How are you? We missed you at
the Iceland conference.
ALICE
Yeah, I couldn't make it.
OLD WORKMATE
So where are you now?
ALICE
Right here.
OLD WORKMATE
Oh! Sorry, I didn't mean-
ALICE
-it's ok.
OLD WORKMATE
I didn't know you hadn't found
anything since the Purple Line shut
down. Here's my email, I'll keep my
eyes and ears open.
ALICE
Thanks.
She hands Alice a card, walks off.
OLD WORKMATE
This is like the perfect fit for
you. I mean, I know it's not Geo
money, but you look sharp in that
hat.
ALICE
Haha, thanks.
Alice is left alone, she exhales.
ALICE
There's no reason to be
embarrassed, she was cool, you're
ok, tout est bien.
She gathers herself back.
ALICE
tout est bien
She tries to return to her book.
ALICE
tout est bien
INT. LESLIE'S CAR - DAY
Leslie drives while Alice is curled up in the passenger seat.
ALICE
Thanks for driving.
LESLIE
You don't have a car anymore. You
left your one-bedroom for a studio,
you sold your car, got rid of your
TV and downgraded to a dumb-phone,
what's next?
ALICE
Well you're looking for a roommate
aren't you?
LESLIE
I most certainly am not.
ALICE
I could have taken the train and
met you there.
LESLIE
That's dumb. Why aren't your
wearing your hat?
ALICE
Because I'm not at work.
LESLIE
It's not like your old cowgirl
costume, it's a nice hat.
ALICE
I like having that physical
disconnect from work, I take off
the hat and I don't need to think
about work until I put the hat back
on.
Alice gets excited and animated.
ALICE
Harold Lloyd used his hat and
glasses as a kind of secret
identity, he was the inspiration
for the Superman/Clark Kent
disguise.
LESLIE
Who's Harold Lloyd?
ALICE
He's a silent film guy.
LESLIE
Of course he is, nerd.
ALICE
You're a nerd.
LESLIE
Good one.
INT. GRANNY CAROLE'S HOUSE - DAY
Leslie gives Granny Carole a hug while Alice waits her turn.
LESLIE
Hey Granny.
GRANNY CAROLE
Alice! -I mean Leslie, of course,
how could I miss all that hair, how
are you?
INT. GRANNY CAROLE'S DINING ROOM - DAY
Having lunch.
GRANNY CAROLE
-your uncle woke up to his friend
screaming! He thought he'd gone
blind!
LESLIE
What was it?
GRANNY CAROLE
Horse flies! Thousands of them
covering his bug net.
LESLIE
Fuck!
Alice laughs. Granny gets up from her chair.
GRANNY CAROLE
Alice can you help me in the
kitchen?
ALICE
Sure thing.
INT. GRANNY CAROLE'S KITCHEN
Granny corners her in the kitchen.
GRANNY CAROLE
Here's some money dear.
ALICE
Aw Granny. I'm the oldest, you
should give it to Leslie.
GRANNY CAROLE
That's dumb. Leslie has a good job
and I have two good pensions, take
it and be happy.
ALICE
Ok Granny.
INT. MALL HAT POP UP SHOP - DAY
A hot guy enters the mall, gets Alice's full attention. She
sneaks glances at him over her book.
ALICE
Whoa.
Hot guy takes the escalator.
ALICE
(TO HERSELF)
Excuse me, sir, can I interest you
in anything? My ass for a hat
perhaps?
She watches him leave.
ALICE
(TO HERSELF)
This is why I need my own hat shop,
so I can close up shop for five
minutes to flick off in the back.
A little boy with a chocolate ice cream cone walks up to the
hats, Alice doesn't notice him pick up a hat and try it on.
His mother comes up behind him.
LITTLE BOY'S MOTHER
Put the hat back, we're leaving.
Alice notice the little boy returning the hat.
ALICE
Hey, there little man.
LITTLE BOY
Bye!
ALICE
Bye?
Alice notices the hat, covered in chocolate hands.
ALICE
Oh balls.
She turns just in time to see the hot guy walk out the door.
ALICE
Nutbags! I missed his exit!
INT. ALICE'S APARTMENT - MORNING
Coffee percolates while Alice checks her email and eats some
toast. Her phone rings: Ollie.
ALICE
Hey Ollie.
OLLIE
Alice, have you left for work yet?
ALICE
Not yet.
OLLIE
Glad I caught you, you don't have
to come in today, we're closing up
the shop.
ALICE
The pop-up shop?
OLLIE
The pop-up shop, the whole thing
really. Hat shop's closing so we're
going to gather up your shop today.
ALICE
I'll come by, I'll help you close
up.
OLLIE
If you want, we'll see you in an
hour then. Sorry to be the bearer
of bad news.
Alice hangs up the phone.
ALICE
Fuck.
She collapses in her chair.
ALICE
FUCK!
INT. MALL HAT POP UP SHOP - DAY
Alice loads the hats back into boxes with Ollie and Lawrence.
ALICE
Could you reopen in a new location?
OLLIE
This is the perfect opportunity to
retire I think. We were in a unique
spot, we couldn't afford another
place.
They load the cabinet into the truck.
ALICE
What'll you do with all your stock?
OLLIE
It'll go into storage, there's a
few people who'll buy up our stock,
other hat shops.
Alice turns to the son.
ALICE
Have you thought about taking over?
LAWRENCE
I have a job. I was just helping
with the shop.
Ollie and Lawrence get into the truck.
OLLIE
Give us a week or so to get your
last paycheck in the mail.
ALICE
Sure.
OLLIE
I'll try to include a little extra,
for the short notice.
ALICE
You don't have to do that, thank
you.
Alice watches them drive off. She walks home, upset, stops in
front of an empty shop with a For Rent sign in the window.
Stares in the window.
INT. DINER - DAY
Alice, Aubrey, Milton and Donnie sit around a table with
coffees and dessert.
Aubrey wears the same dress that Jette wears in the next
scene!
DONNIE
That's so cool! You're my hero. If
a theater was closing and I had the
money, I'd buy it up in a second.
AUBREY
But Jodhpurs doesn't have the
money.
MILTON
I thought this was just a summer
gig, not a dream thing.
ALICE
Does it have to be a dream? Can't
it just be an opportunity?
AUBREY
This is an expensive bit of
serendipity to chase after.
ALICE
Plus I still have school debt.
AUBREY
Plus that.
DONNIE
How much would it cost?
ALICE
Fifteen grand to buy all his old
stock. Plus a hundred grand to get
a shop up and running for two
years.
DONNIE
Fuck me.
MILTON
Do you need to jump right into a
store? Why not buy the stock and
use it to open an Etsy shop or
something. A buddy of mine bought a
storage unit full of furniture at
an auction and made a few grand
selling it all on Craigslist.
ALICE
But the physical storefront is the
whole point, that's what I want to
do.
AUBREY
But with an online shop you could
build a business over a few years,
make money, get on solid footing
for a loan.
Alice pokes at her dessert.
ALICE
I just feel like there's all this
momentum and if I spend a year in
my apartment on an online shop I'll
kill it. It felt so good to be out.
EXT. EMPTY STOREFRONT - DAY
Alice and Jette press against the window to peer into the
empty shop.
Jette wears the same dress that Aubrey wears in the previous
scene.
JETTE
Which one is this?
ALICE
This one's not on the list, it's my
dream space.
JETTE
I didn't think you could afford
Malasaña.
ALICE
I know but it's my home! How great
would this commute be? Just walk
down the hill.
JETTE
It's a nice dream.
They walk down the street.
ALICE
I lucked out finding a rent
controlled building to live in, but
there's no such luck with
commercial space.
Jette looks at their list.
JETTE
Can we walk to the next one?
ALICE
Yeah, it's in Chueca, and the one
after's in Justicia. They're all on
the gentrification wave, which
sucks. I don't want to perpetuate
gentrification.
JETTE
So open a shop in the suburbs-
ALICE
-fuck no.
JETTE
Just be a good community member. If
you're working to improve the
neighborhood WITHOUT kicking out
the poor and minorities then you're
not really gentrifying are you?
ALICE
I still would be, I think.
JETTE
Oh, well you can be a good
community member anyway.
INT. LESLIE'S APARTMENT - DAY
Leslie sits on the couch with her computer, Alice wanders
down the hall.
ALICE
Are you using your office?
LESLIE
Yes.
Alice pokes around the office.
ALICE
Doesn't look like you're using it.
LESLIE
I'm using it.
Alice perches on the couch behind Leslie.
ALICE
Apartment's looking pretty sparse.
LESLIE
Shouldn't you be preparing for your
loan meeting?
Alice flops over the couch.
ALICE
Mom's coming by soon to take me
suit shopping.
LESLIE
What happened to all your city job
suits, your closet was full of
them.
ALICE
I got too tubs, they don't fit.
LESLIE
Pobre Jodhpurs.
ALICE
Pobre miyo.
She spins around on the couch.
ALICE
So when am I moving in?
LESLIE
You're not moving in.
ALICE
But think of all the money we'd
save!
LESLIE
I have money, I have savings.
ALICE
How much do you have saved?
LESLIE
About fifteen grand.
ALICE
Have I got the investment
opportunity for you!
LESLIE
Do you think you'll get your loan?
ALICE
With both mom AND Granny co-signing
I wouldn't call it my loan.
LESLIE
What about dad?
ALICE
Mom's credit is better. It'll be ok
probably, maybe. Do you want to
join the co-sign party?
LESLIE
I can't even wear hats. But what if
you get the loan? Is your life all
about hats now? Like it was all
about rocks until two years ago?
INT. MALL ENTRANCE - FLASHBACK
Alice comes down the escalator like at the beginning of the
story, but with different job signs at the bottom.
LESLIE
(VO)
After eighteen months of
unemployment, couldn't it have been
any job?
Hypothetical other jobs appear: Summer Ice Cream Shop
NARRATOR
Her grandfather had a dairy farm,
in summers they would make ice
cream...
Summer Horse Riding Lessons
NARRATOR
When Alice was 7, she was given the
choice between learning an
instrument and learning to ride a
horse...
Summer Science Camp
NARRATOR
It wasn't a University faculty
position, but at least her PHD
wouldn't go to waste.
INT. LESLIE'S APARTMENT
Alice is thoughtful.
ALICE
Maybe, and if the hat shop was
still in business I probably
wouldn't be doing this either.
This isn't a dream, it's an
opportunity, it fell into my lap
and it's fun. It might fall apart
in six months and I'll spend the
rest of my life paying off the
debt, or maybe I'll have a good run
for a few years or more, who knows!
LESLIE
Who's gonna watch the shop when you
have to take a shit?
ALICE
God dammit!
Leslie laughs.
ALICE
Will you stop winding me up? I'm
fucking freaking out here.
EXT. BANK - DAY
Alice's mom drives up to the bank, stops out front.
ALICE'S MOM
The parking is around back, I'm
going to let you out here, mom.
Alice get out and help her.
Alice helps her Granny from the car.
ALICE
Don't forget your purse.
They walk towards the bank, Alice exhales nervously.
GRANNY CAROLE
Let's sit down.
They sit on a bench. Alice notices a loose thread on her new
skirt, tugs at it.
ALICE
Thank you for doing this Granny.
GRANNY CAROLE
Doing what?
ALICE
Helping with the loan, I wish I
could have done it on my own.
GRANNY CAROLE
Alice, no one does anything on
their own. I worked while your
grandfather was in school, we
supported your mom and dad when
they were young, your mother cashed
out her pension to start your dad's
company. Independence is a fantasy.
ALICE
I guess- but I wish I could reach
some point when I could pay anyone
back. At least let me give you a
hat.
GRANNY CAROLE
Jesus, don't let the banker hear
you say that, haven't even opened
your doors yet and you wanna give
everything away. There's your
mother, let's go in.
They get up and walk towards the door. Granny notices Alice
playing with the thread, smacks her hand.
GRANNY CAROLE
Leave that loose thread alone. You
don't need to rip your new suit
when goodness knows you'll outgrow
it soon enough.
ALICE
Yes, Granny.
Alice rolls her eyes, the thread still wrapped around her
finger.
INT. ALICE'S APARTMENT - DAY
Alice pulls at a thread. Takes out a knife and removes the
logo stitches from her retro ball cap, transforms it into a
team-neutral hat. She puts it on, proud of herself, smiles.
THE END.
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